Way back in the 1980s I used to do a little bit of acting. A very little bit according to most people with whom I worked. I was a co-star in one of the worst movies of all time, the stinker known as Evil In The Woods which was written and directed by William J. Oates and released in 1986 to absolutely no fanfare whatsoever. Thanks to some intrepid Youtube uploader, you can now view the carnage free-for-nothing. That’s my back to the camera there in the preview image, closest to the tree and dome tent. There’s really nothing good about this movie except some of the online reviews, such as:
“This movie caused me to become slightly retarded.”

“At first I was wondering why a 5 year old was walking through downtown Hot-Lanta by himself, but then when he demostrated (sic) his firm grasp of the Dewey Decimal System, I was releived (sic) to learn he was just a smart midget. Now the challenge is forcing myself to continue watching; maybe I’ll just break it down into 5 minute sessions so i don’t completely go insane.”

“(At) 20:51 could someone explain what just came out of the little persons butt? so far this movie makes perfect sense. i used to walk straight to my country house from the atl library everyday. much simpler times back in the 80’s.”

And my personal favorite:
“A movie intentionally made to test the mental endurance of the audience. Produced by MIT as a psychological experiment it fell into the hands of a desperate movie producer and was released on an unsuspecting public in an ironic twist that was essentially its original design.
It actually grossed 20 million and was nominated for an Oscar under the best non commercail release.catagory. (sic) It lost to an industrial trade film about sheetrock.”

I play Sam the sound man, part of a hapless movie crew lost in the woods filming a low budget horror flick in which Bigfoot meets miniature alien invaders and a pair of starcrossed lovers. Watching it again for the first time in a lot of years I’m proud not to be the worst actor in the cast (by far!), and I did get to kill a turtle monster with a machete and vomit onscreen, which was big fun!

I apologize in advance if you actually watch the whole film, and grieve for the eighty-nine minutes of your life that you’ll never get back. This movie is why I decided not to pursue a career in acting – and aren’t you glad?


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